


Tintinnabulation

by antonomasia09



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-18
Updated: 2012-05-18
Packaged: 2017-11-05 13:38:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antonomasia09/pseuds/antonomasia09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rory accidentally drops his wedding ring in the TARDIS console, and nearly causes the end of the universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tintinnabulation

**Author's Note:**

> I found out that there was a chance-of-a-lifetime contest to write a Doctor Who scene set in the TARDIS for the BBC. Unfortunately, since I'm neither between the ages of 9 and 11, nor am I enrolled in a British primary school, I couldn't enter. I did want to write a scene, though; this is the result. Also, I couldn't use the title I wanted on fanfiction.net because it was too long, but in my mind this is called "Why It's a Mistake to Play with One's Wedding Ring Near Temperamental Electronic Equipment."
> 
> This was originally written in July 2011.

Swaying slightly in his swing seat, the Doctor frowned in concentration and carefully connected two wires. They immediately emitted large quantities of multi-colored sparks, causing him to flinch and nearly fall over backwards. The Doctor sighed in frustration, and prodded at the burnt wires with his finger, not looking up when Rory came hesitantly down the stairs.

The nurse waited a couple of seconds for the Doctor to acknowledge him. Nothing happened. So Rory took a deep breath, worked up his courage, and timidly ventured, "Doctor?"

Not just now, Rory" the Doctor answered, still focused on his project. "I'm trying to boost the scanner so that it can detect psychic energy in peanuts.

The expression on Rory's face took on a pained quality. "Erm, Doctor. I think this is really important."

Hearing the tension in the other man's voice, the Doctor looked up alarmed. "What is it?"

"My wedding ring just fell in the console," Rory answered miserably.

The Doctor shot him an incredulous glance. "Seriously, that's the emergency? So what?" He turned back to the tangle of wires in front of him.

However, Rory could not be deterred. "Well, Amy might never forgive me, so if you tell her then I'll tell her that you were the one who disassembled the kettle last week while she was in the middle of brewing tea. But also I think the TARDIS is making a strange noise."

The Doctor stopped dead. "What?"

"Yeah. It sounds kind of like a xylophone getting run over repeatedly by a steamroller."

"Oh, that's bad. That's very bad," the Time Lord exclaimed, jumping up.

"…Sorry."

"Get out of the way." The Doctor shouldered past Rory, and rushed over to the console, pulling out his sonic screwdriver. He waved the device over the panel, flourished it to see the readout, and frowned.

"What has the silly Roman done to you?" he asked, stroking the glass sheet.

"Can't you just use your screwdriver to open the panel?"

"Normally, yes," the Doctor said, turning to look accusingly at Rory. "But the gold plating on your wedding ring has interacted with the screws holding it down, and they melted.

"Seriously?"

"Do I look anything other than serious?"

Rory considered this. "Actually, you always look slightly goofy." At the Doctor's murderous look, he added hastily, "But not right now. You look serious right now. Deathly serious. Like there's going to be death. Is there going to be death?"

"Probably, yes."

"Oh. Why?"

"Well, the entire universe is going to explode. Again."

Rory winced. "Why?"

"Because we got your ring on Flomeria, where they make all of their jewelry out of a metal called rodine, which is normally fine and quite pretty actually, except that it reacts with dimensionally transcendent correlium, a large block of which happens to be conveniently located inside that panel. Best case, the TARDIS is completely obliterated. Worst case, the whole universe."

"…Sorry."

"Yeah, now shut up. I'm thinking." The Doctor waved his hands vaguely at Rory, and then began pacing, holding his screwdriver to his forehead in concentration. "We can't open the panel using the sonic or pry it off because the cover is permanently fused."

"Is that actually helping?" Rory asked, indicating the screwdriver pressed to the Doctor's head so hard that it was leaving an indentation.

"Yes, shut up. We could try turning the TARDIS upside down shaking it and hoping that the ring just fell out on its own, but I wouldn't trust the controls right now."

Bells began to ring ominously. "Doctor," Rory tried to interrupt.

"Shh! Thinking!"

The TARDIS emitted an angry noise, and the Doctor patted her again.

"Yes, I know dear. I'm working on it, " he assured her.

"But Doctor,…"

"We could use a magnet to try to guide the ring out the way that it fell in, but that would be disastrous if the magnetic field got too close to the sub-quark generator."

"Doctor, is that an alarm?"

"Yes, yes, cloister bells, means the end of the universe in about two minutes, now SHUT UP!"

"Oh. Sorry."

The Doctor looked frantically around, until his eyes landed on the tubes that dipped from the ceiling. He instantly brightened. "Aha! Suction! Rory, climb up and pull those down for me," the Doctor ordered, pointing at them carelessly.

Rory eyed the control panel dubiously. "Climb up on what?" he asked.

"Maintenance closet down the stairs, fourth door on the ceiling. There's a stepladder there. Hurry!"

"Okay."

As Rory ran off, the Doctor circled the console, hurriedly sonicking things. Liquid began to fountain out of a rupture in the console. The Doctor growled in frustration, and tried to cover the leak with his hands. "No, don't do that!" he exclaimed to his ship, turning to check if Rory had returned yet. He hadn't.

"Rory, where are you?" the Doctor called.

"Coming!" came the strained answer, as Rory finally appeared struggling with a gigantic ladder. He leaned it against the time rotor, climbed up, and started to tug at a tube.

"No, not that one!" the Doctor shouted. "That one's got coolant in it! It would kill you instantly."

Rory let go immediately, looking terrified, and scoured the room with his eyes.

"This one?" he asked, pointing to the one next to it at random.

"That one."

Rory nodded his understanding and tried to pull the correct tube. Unfortunately, the ladder, which had been balanced precariously in the first place, was unable to handle his fumbling, and fell over. He let out a cry of dismay as he ended up dangling from the bar above the console by one hand, the other desperately snatching at the tube. Finally, he managed to catch it through blind luck and tugged frenziedly on the tube until it came loose. Rory passed it down to the Doctor, who grabbed it in his mouth and sonicked it with one hand, the other still futilely trying to plug the leak.

"Reversing the polarity of the air flow to create suction," the Doctor may have attempted to mutter, although it was difficult to tell with his mouth full. "Dialing up the pressure, and…." He cast a frustrated glance at the troublesome panel, which was on the opposite side of the console, and up at Rory who was clinging for dear life to the bar and unavailable to help. The alarm was now deafening, and he could almost sense the explosion building up.

With a grunt of resignation, the Time Lord flung himself onto the TARDIS controls, spreadeagling his entire body in order to stick the tube into the opening in the panel. The ring flew up into the tube, which emitted a sad choking noise and died. The cloister bells stopped ringing.

"Haha!" he exclaimed triumphantly in the sudden resounding silence. "There we go! Good as new!"

Rory sighed in relief, and looked down, hoping to find a way to jump down without breaking anything. He couldn’t see one; instead he watched Amy came in holding a plate of biscuits. She paused when she saw Rory hanging from the bar and the Doctor spread across the console.

"Hey, boys! What's going on? I heard bells ringing," she asked carefully. Both of them gaped at her, lost for words. "I've got shortbread," she announced, indicating the plate. "There would be tea, but I still haven't managed to find a replacement kettle."

Out of her line of sight, Rory glared at the Doctor and shook his head in warning. The Doctor saw the determination on the nurse's face, and wisely decided that he really didn't want Amy angry with him right then.

"Oh, nothing," he said casually, disentangling himself from the controls. "I was just showing Rory the traditional greeting of the Kembeline people. Fascinating race. They're descended from a troupe of intergalactic acrobats that crash-landed on a rather nice planet—not my fault—so all of their social interactions are based on circus routines.

Rory nodded in confirmation, and jumped down, blushing. As he did so, his foot brushed against a lever, which flipped. All of the lights went out, and the gravity disappeared.

"Erm…can I have one of those biscuits?"


End file.
